


The Denny's Crusade

by Nowen422



Category: Warhammer 40.000
Genre: Fluff and Humor, Friendship, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-25 14:47:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30090738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nowen422/pseuds/Nowen422
Summary: In the grimdark future of the 41st millennium, there is only blueberry pancakes....A ridiculous story inspired by a tumblr post I cant find anymore. Please enjoy my take on two primarchs' and the ridiculous lengths one goes to save his dumb, comatose brother.
Relationships: Lion El'Jonson/Roboute Guilliman
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	The Denny's Crusade

**Author's Note:**

> This is incredibly irreverent if you haven't guessed by now. That being said, I feel that my portrayal off these primarch's is accurate. If you don't like it, too bad. I'm a loyalist Iron warriors fan so its clear my tastes are bad already. Still, I hope you enjoy this short fic.

Guilliman stood on the ledge overlooking the hidden chamber. It had been a long journey, but he had finally found him, his brother, Lion El’ Johnson. The primarch of the Ultramarines felt a brief sense of joy before he returned to his normal duty focused state. It had been difficult escaping from holy Terra, having constructed a rudimentary dummy out of couch cushions and spare armor plates he had lying around to fool anyone who entered his quarters. He chartered a battlebarge that belonged to the Imperial Fists and made his way to Macragge where he gathered a handful of servitors, astartes, dreadnoughts and tanks. Not that he would need them, he just felt better when he had a small infantry unit with him when he traveled. He then had a message sent out by the ship’s astropath asking for the location of the Dark Angels fortress monastery, the massive stone fortress ship known as The Rock. Once privy of their coordinates, he made utmost haste to warp to their position, and open a distress signal. He instructed his crew to report they had suffered engine failure and needed a tow home when the Dark Angels came to investigate. once they took the bait, Guilliman sneaked aboard their ship where he hid in a corner behind some crates of armor polish. Once the rescue vessel returned to The Rock, Guilliman snuck through the ship bay and made his way into a corridor. 

Guilliman knew that he had to interrogate the chapter master of the angels if he was going to have a chance at finding his brother, but just as he was preparing to ask a Dark Angel for directions to the chapter master's office and then knock him out, Guilliman was beckoned over by a small, green hooded figure. Having recognized the creature as one of the elusive Watchers in the Dark based on the descriptions the Lion had given him in their conversations about his home planet of Caliban, Guilliman followed the small being until it led him to a rocky overhang that looked down to a large stone sarcophagus that bore the heraldry of his brother. Guilliman jumped down from the cliff and landed with all the grace that a son of the Emperor could muster, which is to say a “superhero landing”. He stepped closer to the stone sarcophagus, before he rested his hand on the lid and gazed at his brother’s insignia. Guilliman smiled as he remembered the Lion, it was almost hard to believe that he had been resting peacefully in this stony prison for the past few thousand years. Since his own reawakening, Guilliman had missed his brother’s company, the way they would bond over battles, laugh from stories of their legions and bully Sanguinius into doing things so they wouldn’t have to were some of his fondest memories before his battle with Fulgrim that put him on life support for 10,000 years. But now, it had all come to this. All the subterfuge, all the deception that he had committed up to this point was all for this moment. He was going to revive his brother using the only method that he knew would work. He was going to take the sleeping body of The Lion and take him to Dennys. 

They had discovered this mysterious place in the later days of the great crusade once the Emperor returned to Terra. It was found on a dwarf planet located near the edge of Segmentum Solar. According to ancient historical records from before the age of strife that were provided by the emperor, Dennys was an establishment that sold meals to humans for reasonable prices and was widely praised for their “breakfast” foods. This restaurant could be found across ancient Terra before mankind took to the stars but had disappeared after the age of strife and had not resurfaced even after the unification wars on terra. Guilliman and the Lion were returning from a visit to Rogal Dorn and his Imperial Fists on the Phalanx when the two primarchs found the small planetoid with signs of colonization and what appeared to be ancient terran vessels. The Lion was the first to suggest that they inspect it, just in case it was harboring any archaeotech or dangerous weapons as such items so close to Terra could provide a security risk if they were found by enemies of the Imperium. Guilliamn agreed and the pair of primarchs chose a company of their marines to aid them. however, when they landed there was no sign that any human life had existed on this planet for a century. The Denny’s however was the only structure that seemed to have any sign of being used within the last few days. As soon as the first marine set foot in the doorway, the entire building burst to life. what looked like an approximation of a human being made of metal and was attached to a track on the floor emerged from behind a panel on the wall and came to a stop in front of the marine. The robot greeted him cheerfully and the marine almost punched it, (as he was trained to do and often enjoyed doing) before Guilliman put his hand on their shoulder to stop them. 

The two primarchs and their retinue went further into the building as they were guided to a series of tiny booths. The booths were clearly designed for humans that were not genetically augmented supermen but such hindrances are not accepted by the ULTRAMARINES!! Within seconds the ultramarines that had accompanied Guilliman had destroyed one of the booths attempting to sit in it. They would have continued trying; if guilliman had not told them to stop. The Dark Angels on the other hand had begun to dismantle the other booths and surrounding tables and had made a rudimentary feasting table that could seat everyone. Once the soldiers and their leaders were seated, the robot began to ask them a series of questions about what they would like to order. Being the absolute himbo that he was, Guilliman told the robot that he would like to order his men to continue being one of the brightest beacons of hope for the Imperium, to glorify the power of humanity and to bring his father’s Imperium into an eternal golden age. The robot looked at Guilliman without emotion; but if it did have emotions, it would have slapped him in the face for being so adoribly stupid. Lion El’ Johnson told the machine to bring whatever their most popular dish was. 

After the robot scooted away the primarchs encouraged their marines to relax. After a few moments the two groups of marines were openly talking and swapping stories amongst each other as if they were all battle brothers. Truly it was a heartwarming sight, one that would be vividly remembered by both primarchs whenever they met. Soon enough the robot returned with multiple trays filled with food. As the mechanical servant set down the trays, it explained that it had ordered them all what it called, ‘The Signature Slam Series’. The machine continued to list all that it had brought the marines, such as the Lumberjack Slam, the Fit Slam, the Belgian Waffle Slam, the Grand Slam Slugger, the Grand Slamwhich, the Hearty Breakfast Slam, the French Toast Slam, the All-American Slam and the Classic Grand Slam. As the space marines eyed the sumptuous set of slams before them, the Lion cautioned all of them to be careful, this food may be centuries old by now and may not be fit for consumption. Guilliman of course had already started eating his pancakes and was surprisingly good at using the tiny knife and fork the robot had brought him. As they all feasted, the lion turned to his brother and smiled, H declared the two would make this their refuge against the universe, they would make this Dennys’ the embassy between their two chapters; A stronghold that would illustrate the bond between the two honorable legions! Guilliman declared he liked the steak and eggs. When their marines were finished eating, and the two primarchs had paid for the meal, they swore their marines to secrecy, this was to remain a closely guarded place. The kind of place where only the greatest of men must meet in dire times to eat pancakes and drink milkshakes. Once they were on board their respective flagships, the two legions parted ways, eager for the chance to meet at Dennys once more. Then Horus cocked everything up and they never got to go back after that.

Guilliman smiled, he had hoped that the small planet was still there, simply waiting; waiting for him to return to feast on the succulent meat of the Moon Over my Hammy. But first, he needed to smuggle his brother out of the Rock undetected. Luckily Guilliman had come prepared with an Ultramarine branded wheelbarrow that he had strapped to his back. The Lord of Maccrage grabbed the lid of the sarcophagus and threw it aside with a loud crash. Inside, Lion El’ Johnson slumbered peacefully as Guilliman slapped him across the face just in case he was faking his coma for the last couple thousand years. Sadly, the Lion did not wake up, so Guilliman hoisted his brother’s comatose form up lovingly in his arms and then dropped him unlovingly in the wheelbarrow. The small green cloaked Watchers observed all of this and when he was ready, guided Guilliman out of the chamber and through the complex tunnels until they emerged into a hallway near the main hangar. Guilliman nodded in thanks at the small cloaked beings and carefully strode forward into the hallway where he immediately heard a very shocked gasp. Turning around, Guilliman faced a shocked and utterly flabbergasted Dark Angel, who was stuck alternating between looking up at the bright blue Ultramarine primarch who was incredibly bad at sneaking around in power armor and looking down at the comatose body of his gene father who was supposed to be either dead or missing for the last few thousand years. After what could be described as the most awkward silences ever recorded in imperial history, Guilliman cleared his throat and said, “ what is it?” The dark angel, still shaken at the sight before him, merely asked, “where are you taking our primarch my lord?” Guilliman smiled, and in his most primarchy voice he replied, “ I’m taking him to Dennys.”

**Author's Note:**

> please comment and let me know how you liked or disliked the story and what I can work on.


End file.
